Episode 59: How to Build Genuine Relationships to Grow Your Personal Brand I Personal Branding Pacific Northwest

Episode Summary:

Networking is out. Relationship building is in. In this episode, Kimberly Gayle calls out the old-school networking playbook — elevator pitches, business card collecting, transactional referral groups — and makes the case for a completely new, relational approach to building your personal brand and business. Because personal branding, done right, isn’t a visibility game. It’s a people game. And the entrepreneurs who win are the ones who build real, generous, mutual relationships — not the ones with the most contacts in their phone.

Episode Quote

“Personal branding, done right, is fundamentally a relational game. Not a transactional one. Not a collect-as-many-cards-as-possible one. A relational one — built on genuine human connection, mutual curiosity, and the kind of relationships that don’t just grow your business. They change your life.” — Kimberly Gayle

Episode Highlights

The Old Way Is Out

If you’ve been showing up to networking events, rehearsing your elevator pitch, and collecting business cards — only to wonder why nothing is growing — Kimberly calls out exactly why. The old-school networking model is built on transactional, take-first energy. It’s not about building relationships. It’s about collecting utility. And it’s killing your brand’s growth potential.

The New Way: Personal Branding Is Relational

Genuine connection is the most underrated, underused strategy in personal branding. The entrepreneurs who build unstoppable brands aren’t the best networkers in the room — they’re the best relationship builders. They lead with curiosity. They give before they take. And the connections they make don’t feel like networking. They feel like finding their people.

Kimberly’s Story: The Craft Beer Connection That Changed Everything

Early in her personal branding journey, Kimberly connected online with craft beer author Steven Shomler — and showed up to his book release party in Portland. What started as a shared love of craft beer, a Minneapolis connection, and a genuine curiosity about each other became one of the most meaningful relationships of her life. Steven introduced her to consultants, promoted Final Draft Taphouse when it opened, helped her find her direction before she even knew where she was going — and ultimately officiated her wedding. One genuine connection. A lifetime of impact.

Going First: Collaboration Stories from Final Draft Taphouse

Kimberly has always gone first. From reaching out cold to craft beer authors Lucy Burningham and Josh Bernstein to propose book signing events at Final Draft Taphouse, to initiating brewery partnerships that became long-term, mutually beneficial collaborations — every major opportunity came from leading with generosity and a genuine belief that real connection creates real results.

The Selena Soo Framework: Align, Attract, Activate

Drawing from Selena Soo’s Rich Relationships, Kimberly walks through the three-phase framework for building relationships that actually move your brand forward: Align (do the inner work first — you can’t build rich relationships on a foundation of self-doubt), Attract (build a brand presence so authentic and clear that the right people are drawn to you), and Activate (go first, show up consistently, and when you’ve built genuine trust, make the ask).

Discernment: Not Every Connection Is a Good Connection

Kimberly gets real about the relationships that have gone sideways — and what she learned. Trust your gut. Know your tendency to overgive. Partner with people who are at your level or above, who share your values, and who can handle conflict with maturity. Real connection has standards. And the more connected you are to yourself, the better you get at knowing which relationships are worth your energy.

Retire “So, What Do You Do?” — Use These Instead

At Business or Industry Events:

• “What have you been learning lately that you’re genuinely excited about?”
• “What are you most looking forward to in your business this month — or this quarter?”
• “What’s the most interesting challenge you’re working through right now?”
• “Who or what has been inspiring you lately?”
• “What made you decide to come to this event today?”

At Social Events or Non-Work Gatherings:

• “Where are you from — and what do you love about it? What do you maybe NOT love?”
• “How long have you lived here? What brought you?”
• “What are the best places you’ve traveled? What made them so good?”
• “What are you really into right now outside of work?”
• “What’s something you’re looking forward to this year?”

How to Build Genuine Connections Online

You don’t have to be in the same room to build a rich relationship. But you do have to show up online with the same curiosity and generosity you bring offline. The biggest mistake people make? Generic engagement. A “Love this!” comment or a copy-paste DM signals that you’re going through the motions — not that you actually see the person. Here’s how to do it differently:

Be specific in your engagement.

There is a massive difference between “Great post!” and “Your perspective on [specific thing] shifted how I’m thinking about my business — I’m doing this differently because of it.” The second one makes someone feel genuinely seen. That is the spark of a real connection — even through a screen. Reference something specific they shared. Name what resonated. Show that you actually read it.

Consume, share, and celebrate their work — genuinely.

Buy their book. Take their course. Share their content with a personal note about why it landed for you. These aren’t just nice gestures — they are relationship currency. They signal that you value what someone is putting into the world. And people remember who showed up for them before they needed anything in return.

Slide into DMs — the right way.

A direct message that leads with “Hey, I’d love to collaborate” from a stranger is a hard no. A DM that says “I’ve been following your work for a while and your post about [specific thing] really resonated with me — I just wanted to say thank you” is a door opener. Lead with appreciation. Lead with specificity. Ask nothing. That single message plants a seed that real relationships grow from.

Dedicate intentional time to it daily.

15 to 20 minutes a day of genuine online engagement changes everything over time. Not scrolling. Not liking. Actually connecting. Two or three thoughtful comments. One real DM. Consistency in this compounds just like content does — and it builds relationships that no algorithm can replicate.

Show up in their audience, not just your own.

Don’t just engage with people who follow you. Go to the accounts of people you admire and engage there — genuinely and consistently. Their audience is full of people who share their values. That is exactly where your ideal connections are already gathering. Show up there with curiosity and generosity, and watch who starts to notice you.

This Week’s Brave & Bold Challenge: The Connection Code

1. Step 1: Identify three people you genuinely want to connect with — online, offline, in your industry, or outside it. Write their names down.
2. Step 2: Spend 10 minutes researching each person. Show up informed and genuinely interested.
3. Step 3: Reach out to ONE of those three people this week. Go first. Make it specific, generous, and human — no templates.
4. Step 4: Make one intentional connection offline this week. Show up to an event, strike up a real conversation, or follow up with someone you’ve been meaning to reconnect with.
5. Step 5: Share this episode with someone you want to connect with or nurture a relationship with — and send it with a personal note. That act of sharing IS a connection move.

This Week’s Mantra:

“I go first. I give genuinely. I connect boldly — because the relationships I build today are the brand I become tomorrow.”

Key Takeaway

Your network isn’t growing because of what you’re doing. It’s growing because of how you’re showing up. Shift from transactional to relational. Lead with curiosity and generosity. Go first. The relationships you build this way don’t just grow your business; they build your life.